


This Do I Swear, I Will Be There

by starlocked



Series: Star's Soulmate September 2020 [21]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Blind Character, Emotional Hurt, Manipulation, Moceit - Freeform, Nonbinary Morality | Patton Sanders, Other, Physical Disability, Unsympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Unsympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, everyone is an ass to each other, logicality - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:28:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26599087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlocked/pseuds/starlocked
Summary: Logan had faith in his soulmate until an unfortunate accident blinded him.Day 22 of Soulmate September- You can see what your soulmate sees when you close your eyes.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Star's Soulmate September 2020 [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1905370
Comments: 21
Kudos: 89





	This Do I Swear, I Will Be There

_ Small hands on a windowsill, pulling up and gazing out into the night sky. Focused on the brightest star in the Northern Cross, Deneb. Everything went black. _

Logan smiled and opened his eyes, climbing on his bed to look out the window and find the same constellation and star. He and his soulmate would do this every night, a reminder that they were under the same sky, sharing the same star. 

He didn't know much about his soulmate yet- until recently their vision had been blurry. Logan supposed getting his own glasses had prompted them to get their vision checked. He shut his eyes again.

_ Blackness, eyes fluttering open again, hands held up cupped together in the shape of a heart around their shared star, hands on the windowsill climbing down back under the covers decorated with tiny frogs, the ceiling, blackness. _

Logan opened his eyes and climbed under his own covers, falling asleep quickly in the quiet night.

* * *

Sometimes it was easier to concentrate on his teachers' voices when he watched his soulmate’s classes. Logan never recognized the teachers or other students, and sometimes found his soulmate staring out the window instead of focusing. Perhaps this was his version of a window. 

One time, Logan managed to catch his soulmate signing a test to hand in.

_ Patton Connelly _ . _ Standing and walking to the front of the class, nervous finger taps, drop the paper, and retreat. Lay head down on the desk. Blackness. _

Logan quickly opened his eyes and jotted his own name down on his notes.

Logan Crawford. :)

He added the smiley face, hoping Patton would like it. He certainly liked the name Patton. He closed his eyes.

_ Blackness, head lifting and pulling out a pen and post it. :3 Blackness _

They had never written notes before. It felt like cheating to use words, but then again he wanted to know more about his soulmate. Logan opened his eyes and drew the symbols for male and female and a question mark. It wasn't cheating if they only drew pictures, right?

_ Patton drew the same symbols then circled the question mark _

Well, that was, not straight-forward. 

Logan drew a small heart around their initials L+P and closed his eyes for a response.

_ Patton's hands forming a heart before they lay their head back down on the desk _ .

Logan sighed and went back to taking notes.

* * *

_ Moving truck. The grass along the highway. A familiar road sign and a turn signal. A pad of paper and pencil. _

_ I hate moving so much :< _

* * *

Logan had watched Patton clean their glasses so many times, he knew exactly what the frames looked like. It always amused him that they matched his own.

He would have recognized those glasses anywhere, but he didn't expect them on the kid whose locker was next to his. Logan closed his eyes.

_ Books and a well-worn backpack, putrid neon green lockers. _

"Patton," his voice came out a whisper.

_ Head turning. A boy with his eyes closed and mouth agape. _

Logan opened his eyes again and smiled widely. Patton looked confused and closed their eyes for just a moment before reopening them with a happy grin.

"Logan!"

Logan took in every part of his soulmate that he could see, "it's good to finally meet you!"

Patton nodded with tears in their eyes before wrapping Logan in a hug and burying their face in his chest.

The pair were inseparable. They studied together in the library and went on dates around town. They found a hill away from the worst of the light pollution and would lay on a blanket just watching the stars together for hours talking about everything.

Logan listened as Patton told him about the pain of moving every few years to a new school and a new group of friends. Patton was sympathetic as Logan ranted about ecology and the damage being done to the Earth each day. They were there for each other, and when they weren't together physically they still had their summer star.

* * *

Logan didn't want to believe the moving truck in Patton's driveway was real. This was still their senior year, why now when they were so close to graduating?

Patton looked deep into Logan’s eyes, "I will find you again."

"I know it's just hard, Pat," Logan ran his fingers through their hair.

Patton smiled sadly and hugged him tight, "just close your eyes and remember this," they squeezed tighter. 

Logan nodded and let the tears slip down his face.

* * *

Patton was too far away to make it back for Prom and Logan’s parents wouldn't let him go to theirs. But they still made a point to show Logan the dress they were going to wear.

Maybe Patton didn’t realize that Logan could see their date to the dance behind them in the mirror.

Logan didn't want his soulmate to be lonely but it stung to see the boy in a yellow and black tux dancing with Patton all night. His smiles at Patton pierced Logan, but he couldn’t look away. He was thankful when Patton pushed the boy away from trying to steal a kiss. Logan didn't want to share them like that.

Logan focused on his studies, excelling in college prep classes that earned him college credit. He was able to talk the university into allowing him to take a chemistry lab during his first semester.

Logan always wore safety glasses, but the explosion was strong enough that it didn't matter. He was rushed to the hospital but it was too late. Logan had been blinded.

He spent a week in recovery after surgery. Most of that time he spent watching Patton's life. Patton didn’t seem to notice until they tried to find their star and Logan didn't reply. Logan watched them panic, texting him. His phone had been a casualty of the lab accident.

Patton tried to see through Logan’s eyes several times throughout the week to no avail. Logan watched as Patton reached out to friends for comfort. He screamed, scaring a nurse when he saw Patton text that his soulmate must have died.

He wanted to tell them the truth. He wanted to find Patton and know things would be okay for the two of them.

* * *

_ Swirling white skirt and sleek white pant legs, what a beautiful combination of dress and tux, the smile on Patton's face for their big day. _

Logan was still finishing his degree. It had taken the better part of a year to learn how to physically cope with blindness, and the next five years to work his way through his classes. 

Patton was doing just great, apparently. Logan wished he could look away from the point of view of his soulmate walking down the aisle toward another man. Something inside Logan broke. This man had stolen his soulmate and he couldn't win them back. Patton looked happy. Logan didn't deserve to try and win them back for himself. 

The voice in his head whispered  _ but you're soulmates  _ and he pushed it down. What did soulmates matter? Just because his heart was bleeding didn't mean he had the right to stop Patton's from continuing on.

* * *

Finding Logan had been the happiest day of their life. Patton had known the moment they saw Logan that they were complements, meant to be together in life.

Moving before their senior year had been torture, but they quickly found friends to keep themself from feeling empty without Logan by their side.

Their heart was cracked when Logan couldn't come to their Prom. They heard Janus’ silvery voice reassure them that Logan would still want them to go and have fun, so they accepted when Janus asked them to go with him.

Patton never felt smart enough to keep up with Logan, but they were so happy for him when he got into an ivy league school. 

Janus was there for them when their world went blank. Janus reassured them that Logan wouldn't purposefully keep them in the dark. There really was only one terrible terrible explanation.

Janus held their hands as they cried. He comforted them and told them Logan would have wanted them to be strong enough to live on without him. Janus said a lot of things. Patton started to agree.

Patton said yes when Janus proposed because it meant they wouldn't be alone. Logan wasn't there to object and Janus wanted them. At least they could pretend that being wanted was being loved.

They adopted a baby daughter together and once again Patton began to feel love in their heart. She was brilliant and Janus let them name her Mercedes. Patton was so proud of their little girl. Their life was so happy now.

Patton didn’t even think to question Parent-Teacher Conferences. Mercedes was a good student, excited about math and science and she just couldn't wait for Dad and Noni to meet her science teacher Mr. Crawford.

Mr. Crawford looked up, startled when Patton and Janus wordlessly entered the room. Patton knew that face, even though it had been years since they'd seen it last. Janus and Mercedes didn't know anything was wrong. They feared what Logan would say in front of their family, how they would explain themselves.

"Well, shall we begin, Mx. Shepard?" Logan's voice was even, betraying no emotion.

"Actually it's still Connelly. I didn't take my husband's name," Patton's voice came out a whisper and Janus gave them a strange look at the word "still".

"My apologies, Mx. Connelly. My TA must have mistranscribed it into my computer. Now Mercedes is a wonderful student. She could almost be my daughter," Logan's face twitched in the barest hint of a smirk as his words cut Patton like a saw.

"Mr. Crawford is so cool! Nani, did you know he's blind??" Mercedes bounced in her seat with a huge grin.

"Blind?" Patton's voice faltered.

"Oh dear, if you don't mind me asking, since birth?" Janus sounded genuinely concerned.

"No actually, it was a lab accident my freshman year of college," Logan stated simply and heard a sob from Patton, "there's no need to get emotional about it. I've adapted to losing my sight. Mr. Shepard, your partner is quite empathetic. No wonder you two make such a great team raising Mercedes."

"Logan! Please stop!" Patton cried.

"Logan?" Janus looked confused but quickly put the name in its place and his face paled.

"I'm sorry, is something wrong, Mx. Connelly?" Logan's face was set hard.

"Janus, take Mercedes. I need to have a word alone with Mr. Crawford," Patton stood, squeezing Mercedes' hand before Janus led her out of the room, "blind? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't you wait? Or find me, like you promised?" Logan could feel the anger boiling like acid in his stomach. It felt cold and caustic and unimaginably dangerous but he lived with it constantly beneath the surface. He had been waiting for this night from the moment he met Mercedes in his class, "the only things I can ever see are snapshots of your happy life without me, Patton."

"I didn't know," Patton looked as if they were seeing a ghost.

"Did you think I didn't notice Janus was there? Even before you thought I died. We shared our star each night and you shared your heart each day. We're done here," Logan snapped his laptop shut and crossed his arms. If he could see he'd be seeing red.

"But I love you, I thought you would want me to be happy."

"Are you happy? Then go be happy. What I want has never mattered to you because you don't love me. The boy you left behind is dead and you know nothing of the man I've become," Logan stood forcefully, "now, if you don't mind, I have other students."

"Logan let me try again, please," but their request fell on deaf ears. Patton sighed and left the room, glancing back at his soulmate one last time.

**Author's Note:**

> Check out more Soulmate AUs @tsshipmonth2020 on tumblr


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